Nothing wrong with being a kid

I have created a new game. By "created" I mean that I thought of it independently of anything or anyone else. I am under no illusion that I am the only one to ever think of this, but I definitely was not influenced. Lightning struck when I was pressed to entertain. This glorious creation is:

KICK TENNIS!

Ingredients: 4 people who are fun, 1 tennis court, 1 playground ball, 1 First Aid Kit.

Rules: Played doubles-style, Kick Tennis is played using tennis rules, but with only kicking. The server punts or drop kicks the ball to the other side of the net. The opposing team gets two bounces to return the serve. If the initial serve return does not make it over the net, the other member of the receiving team may attempt to kick it over the net before it bounces twice. That is nearly impossible to do, so everyone step lightly!

Warnings:
THIS GAME IS AWESOME!
YOU MIGHT TRIP ON THE BALL AND GET CONCUSSED!
YOU WILL BE WORSE AT THIS THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE!
THE SERVING TEAM WILL ALWAYS WIN THE SET!

Play this game if:
The rest of your friends wuss out and decide that they don't want to play kickball anymore, leaving you and your three cool friends to fend for themselves.
You like tennis, but wish there was more jackassery and giggling.
You went to the trouble of stealing a playground ball from an elementary school and really haven't found that many productive uses for it.

Those interested in starting a sandlot Kick Tennis team, inquire within, but don't bitch out when you get your ass kicked.

Disgust

Let me say off the bat that I had a blast at the Dome today. The mascot game was wonderful, and I will be posting with pictures and videos soon. The ball game was fantastic, with 15 hits and 13 runs scored by our local 9. A fantastic Sunday afternoon for sure.

However, I am a big ball of rage and self-loathing right now. The second batter in the top of the first inning hit a beautiful line drive foul ball that stayed up and level and came right for my seats. I saw it right off of the bat, I knew it would get to us immediately. It should have been perfect, a dream come true.

I left my glove in my car.

Following the only instincts I had, knowing the ball untouched would land on the ground of the row in front of me, I took of my hat and held it out to give myself the extra few inches of reach I needed to catch the ball cleanly. I had a read on it, my hat was there and ready.

The man in front of me to my left got his hand in and grazed it just enough to send the ball up the brim of my cap and over my right shoulder before I could react. I completely biffed it. I turned, thinking I could recover if it stayed in my row, and I see the ball hit my mother in the left arm and fall to the ground. Before I can kick save the ball from rolling back down to the row in front of me it is gone, and I had lost my chance.

I could easily blame the numb-nuts in front of my for misdirecting my certain catch, but I won't do it. I should have had my glove there. I should have been calling the ball. I should have just bare-handed it rather than deferring to the unsure equipment of my hat. I should have at least kick saved it. This was all my fault and I fucked it up.

I am trying not to be too devastated as I already have caught a live foul ball in my lifetime. I should not expect to be so lucky twice. I just really wanted a souvenir like that to go with my first season as a season ticket holder. I am such a sieve.

Once I recover from this a little further I'll recap the mascot game (a thriller!) and the ball game in general (Joe Mauer = dead weight). Until then I will wallow in my own inadequacy.

REPOST OF 2008 BLOG

I love Mascot Games - 2008

I went to the Dome today to see Kevin "Slow Ride" Slowey's complete game shutout. It was a real pitchers duel between he and Sheets for the Brewers, but we moved runners around and won 5-0. Great stuff. Real good game.

HOWEVER, not as good a game as TC's 8th Annual Mascot Softball Game. I try to go to this event every year. It kicks ass. They also play mascot basketball and hockey at Gopher game intermissions sometimes. It is the most perfect sporting event I know of. Always exciting and always satisfying. Today was the greatest of the 6 or 7 of these softball games that I have seen.

I wish I had been keeping a book or taking notes somehow. This Mascot Game was so fucking awesome I don't know what to do. Those of you who know me know that I hate TC and love all of the mascots that are too tall and gangly to function (ie Hardware Hank, the original inflatable Subway Sub, and the inflatable Air Force mascots). This game was fantastic because TC was a non-factor and Airman Andy was the Player of the Game. He accidentally deflated 3 times due to making too athletic of a play and screwing up the airflow within the costume. Goldy had to go over twice and help hiim stand up straight so the air could fill him up again. Just awesome. The announcer kept yelling "At attention Soldier! You are representing the United States!" and then the costume would snap back into its full glory. Priceless.

Also, a giant liver that was promoting liver health, Crunch, and Goldy combined to win the game over Bernie Brewer, so TC's at-bat didn't matter at all because Goldy had already scored the winning run. In fact, TC was the last batter, so he just kept running well past the double he had hit, and ended up getting tagged out/mauled by Bernie Brewer in a rather emasculating run-down between 3rd and Home. He ended up out and knocked on his ass. Good thing Goldy won it for him. That fucking bear.

I was hooting and hollering the whole game. It was a really good game. Some amazingly athletic plays were made considering the size of some of those costumes. And Twins 3rd baseman Brian Buscher made an outfield assist to get Bernie Brewer out during his warm ups, so that kicked ass too.

MVP- Airman Andy
Best Diving Catch/Slide into Home Plate- The Giant Liver
Most Suck- TC
Best Mascot Name- Colonol Oom-Pa-Pa from Valleyfair. (Old foam man in Red White and Blue with crazy foam mustache.)

I love mascots. They kick ass. Bring back Hardware Hank.